I have difficulty telling the difference between dreaming and waking states. At times, I remember my dreams as though they literally happened. I often have very vivid dreams, where the interactions seem much deeper and much more real than those that I have in my waking life. I sometimes wonder whether I am dreaming, when I am actually awake, and vice versa.
I keep having these dreams about the same person. This started years ago. I at first assumed that I was on the ethereal plane speaking to someone I knew--an individual who I barely ever saw in my waking life, talked to only occasionally, and felt sort of metaphysically connected to. I started having episodes of paranoia and began to think the person was stalking me. The actual individual in question eventually confessed to thinking of me fondly before getting pissed off at and discontinuing communication with me because I was acting like an idiot or something.
Flood of dreams followed and I began assuming I was seeing someone else or a poor representation of a real person. Then he started making a point to call himself by name, as the individual in question, in the dreams, and confessed his love to me. On several occasions, in several dreams, over several months. In the dreams, he began to surround himself with the same strange group of chunky friends. These dudes who kind of looked like syphlitic Franz Schuberts with a little extra baby fat around their faces and narrow specs around the eyes. Quiet calm nonsexual strong mystical types, who looked like couch potatoes living at their mamas houses in their mid thirties or something. The dreams were very vivid and there was a very distinct energy between us. They were typically very positive and filled with very strong love. It always disturbed me that I felt so strongly for this individual, for it seemed completely unreasonable. I had to assume it was just imaginary lest I go insane on the material plane attempting to decode a relationship with someone I barely knew. I succeeded in forgetting about the whole thing several times, and then once I continued to spiritually evolve, I would ask the universe to send me a useful dream, and I would once again have an extremely vivid dream of a very positive interaction with the same person, experiencing the same intense energy which I could not explain.
I experienced the same very strong connectedness in many different neuro-chemical states--dopamine saturated, dopamine deficient, psych-medicated, cannabis induced, alcohol induced, LSD induced, complete sobriety, dissociated, dream state, half waking, bla bla, whatever. There was always this energy signature, especially upon our touch, which was distinct, intoxicating, and unforgettable.
I have difficulty identifying faces. I once took a dose of psychedelics and had a very vivid picture of the face in question appearing in my brain which triggered the release of many endorphins. I thought it was quite peculiar considering the negative associations I had with the person at the time.
Then thrown in there were some vivid dreams/visions of multi-dimensional abduction which involved electrocution and immersion in liquids, with same individual involved, and then some equally vivid&charged interactions with multidimensional beings / aliens / others / whatever you call em. The energy in the alien touch was the only thing I can recall in either dreaming or waking which was as strong an energy as the interaction with the aforementioned.
I can't bring myself talk about the whole thing with friend or psychotherapist because I feel that my feelings are unreasonably strong and I therefore must simply be delusional and/or obsessive. That's explanation number one. In which case, I would use some tips about cleaning the whole thing out of my energy field so I can move on with my life without this weird ass tape loop playing in the brain...
Then there's the explanation which involves some sort of neuro-chemical/hormonal problem that precipitated the whole thing, most likely due to my own drug induced stupor (worth noting the phenomenon began before I ever used drugs) or pre-existing endocrine imbalance. This of course brings up the chicken-or-the-egg question, where one wonders whether a metaphysical phenomenon influences brain chemistry, or whether brain chemistry can cause the sensation of "metaphysical phenomena.'
Then there's the story where the whole thing is based on actual alien abduction memories, and the obsessive/recurrent dreams are caused by PTSD.
Then there's the theory about past life interactions, future life interactions, ethereal interactions, time traveling, seeing visions of other dimensions and/or the future, where maybe somewhere in some time&place I know/knew the individual in question though I am not terribly familiar in this particular time and place.
Of course, since time and space do not exist, I'm technically already in the same time and place as the individual in question. And since nothing exists in the universe except perfect love (which is defined here as simply the inescapable warm fuzzy magnetic energy which holds all things in our reality together), I am in the same time and place, as well as in "love" with the individual in question, as we are both simultaneously covalently bonded to the same eternal universal consciousness. And so our interactions on the ethereal plane are perhaps only denotation of a mutual awareness of the connectedness of all things, as it occurs in time in space whether here or elsewhere.
Then there's the theory where I'm communicating with a reincarnated version of myself from the future who may or may not be a time traveling amnesiac.
Then there's the theory that we are all one and every individual who exists is actually a time traveling copy of the same self, lost in amnesia and confused by the time-space continuum.
Or perhaps we are all tiny cells in a very large organism's body and perhaps I am one neuron communicating with another neuron on the ethereal, as we simultaneously experience ourselves as fractal copies of the organism of which we are a part.
Or we are all one and of one consciousness and I'm just hacking into the collective eternal soul far too heavily and getting confused by too much extra-dimensional travel outside of time. My lil' ol' human brain just can't handle this alien shamanism.
Oh, and then there's the theory that I'm just schizophrenic and obsessive, and intelligent enough to be conscious of it to the point of being capable of self analysis. And over-doing it to the max. And perhaps I am either not psychically powerful enough to remove the disquieting visions--or perhaps I'm just impatient and I just need to wait longer and meditate more, and they'll fade on their own, and I will become calmer. Though, it has been years, and it seems that they come like the tide. Sometimes high in the storm, sometimes low and dry. Only the moon will tell. The moon and the HAARP.
Yes, I am half serious. I personally think the phenomenon is some combination of all above factors mentioned, but I'm not exactly satisfied with my tales of myth...
I'm open to alternative explanations and opinions. I am self critical and analytical, and most certainly a bit too obsessively metaphysical.
The problem was always this: I just want to KNOW. And I may never know at all.
Though I tend to think I will eventually travel to another plane, at which time all things will be revealed and I will laugh at my own silliness.
Maybe just drop me a tip about how to calm down and soothe this brain-itch...