Blog: My Enchanted Garden Onion
by Chef JeM

The Relationship Bargain

My Human Design Gate 40, the love of work

Date:   6/11/2017 7:00:32 AM   ( 7 y ) ... viewed 1720 times

August 17, 2018 - My "Channel of Community" -

The "Interpersonal" description for this channel says "A strong, adaptable and clear bargain is needed if the channel of community is to hold ...". A "bargain" is an agreement.[1] An agreement is a "meeting of the minds"[2] and utterly dependent upon clear communication. It's the clear communication that makes for a "clear bargain". The more complete the communication the more likely there can be a strong agreement/bargain.

However, changes are inevitable and therefore agreements and their bargains may require periodic reviews and possible adjustments. (My Human Design requires the periodic reviews. This is an awareness that I acquired within the last ten years after I had formed my initial agreement with my "garden manager".) Parties to my agreements must be willing as well as available/ready to review and respond accordingly. My "garden manager" does not appear to be willing and/or available for this express purpose. In fact just the other day he communicated to me that he has been avoiding communicating with me.

"Communication Styles" - A one page overview just came to me yesterday. Under the "Passive" column and in the "Non-Verbal Aspects" row I read: "Avoid subject by becoming busy". Bingo! The main message I have been getting from the manager over the last several years has been (paraphrased): "don't interrupt me - I'm busy"!

About thirty years ago I adopted a friend's five point criteria that he apparently applied in his relationship bargains. The criteria included the sharing of dyads (and specifically "The Relating Exercise" TRE) with the other individual involved in the relationship. I had already been introduced to TRE and included them in my relationship with my friend and therefore the idea of requiring that of others was something I was immediately receptive to! I remember one instance where I had requested that TRE be included in the relationship with another individual who refused and after which I let go of the relationship. It was a threshold crossing for me and apparently one that was needed as a demonstration of my committment and I did it! However, this criteria was not as clear one way or another with the garden manager. I did make the request however the request was declined. I had a new challenge from that point on because I had already moved in! This has turned out to be a major lesson for me! I've been paying for compromising my criteria for several years!

I wish to make a course correction about this. My Human Design (HD) works best by responding rather than by initiating. I have "To Wait". However this is another situation where I wish I had a master HD teacher to confer with.

June 11, 2017 -

Just sent the following to the garden manager:

I'm doing my best to live according to my Human Design. One of the key Human Design Gates that I have activated and that best represents my relationship with the garden manager and the "onion" house is partially described as follows (with edits I made to personalize it.):

"Gate 40 is the love of work, and when I am involved in work that is correct for me, I derive great satisfaction from delivering what I promised to an appreciative Tribe. The relationship bargain needs to be renegotiated often and kept crystal clear. Yes, I am willing to work and to exert my ego's will power to provide for my family or community, but they get access to my earned resources only if they keep their side of the bargain. They need to show appreciation and loyalty for my efforts and support me emotionally, feed me, give me time alone to rest, take care of me ...".

July 8, 2020 - "Gate 40" - Three years later -

This disenchanted gardener can finally admit and accept the fact that "the bargain" (referred to in the post immediately above) does not exist for him in the E.G.O. This blog-writer realizes the true nature of why he has felt the lack of the elements described in the last line above because of the way the "ARC triangle" works (and doesn't work). These things that are essential to "the bargain" simply do not exist! The missing key is the "C" (in the ARC Triangle) - non-existent Communication (or a desperately deficient level of it) as the lack of that has had a diminishing impact on both "A" - shared affinity and "R" shard reality. With his 3/5 Profile this writer gets to experience what doesn't work and after extensive experiences over an extended period of time he can finally come to his conclusions and then draw forth the understanding of why an attempted "bargain" failed and gain some newly acquired wisdom as to what may work.

In short this writer realizes that his real "currency" is love(i) and that the value of this currency needs to circulate in all directions in order for it to be realized. However the "E.G.O." has had a history of stagnation in its currency. This writer entered the scene in 2008 finding a plugged up foundation that he then took on the leadership to successfully correct that. He saw an extensive project all the way through in spite of no real "bargain". Although the stagnant waters were released and the leaks sealed the internal condition remained "plugged." Finally today it is fully revealed to be non-repairable and in acknowledging and completely accepting that this writer finds deep inner peace!

(i) "The first rule to observe when we love someone is to think of the other person and not of ourselves. Love is first of all the wish to discover what the soul of the one we love needs, how to help them in their evolution, and how to provide them with the best conditions for their growth and liberation."[3]

January 5, 2018 -

Glad I see this particular entry (among the total list of 33)!

The following may be a potential report that coincides with the above:

Human Design -

An open center in your BodyGraph is a conditioning receptor (especially when there are no gate activations). This receptor impacts your mind and creates what the Human Design System calls the Not-Self. The Not-Self creates its own decision-making strategy, leading you to make decisions based on conditioning rather than your true self.

Conditioning is only one side of the story. If you are unaware of the way you are conditioned through your open centers, (your most open centers are the Crown/Head Center and the Heart Center) it is something that really overwhelms you. It takes away what is your possibility. On the other hand, when you are operating correctly (for a “Projector” Type it’s about waiting for invitations that are correct for you) and the mind is no longer making life decisions, the open centers become a source of wisdom in this life.

I have a Defined Heart Center with two of the four Heart Gates activated. The theme for Gate 21 is “To be in control.” That Gate is activated by both my personalty/natal Jupiter and the Design/incarnation Jupiter. The Design Jupiter is at Line 3 - Powerlessness. Jupiter is in the detriment - "Total withdrawal. A lack of will for the material path ..."

The other Gate activation is Gate 40 with a theme of “To deliver.”

I recognize all of these activations as described on the above Heart gates.


[1] An agreement between two or more parties as to what each party will do for the other.



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